Dinner time

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So, the last post (always the good guy) was just the icing on the cake. It might sound like I am irritated with my kids but I’m not really. I am irritated when I see him doing to them what he has done to me, and I feel so stuck because if I ever try to point things like that out to my kids, they see it as me just putting their dad down because we don’t get along. That is completely understandable but I’m not sure what to do.

If I tell them what i see happening and they don’t, then it seems like I am just putting him down.

If I don’t tell them, I’m afraid they are blaming themselves or that they are adopting his ways without realizing it and see nothing wrong with it.

Let me explain about dinnertime. This could be a really long post if I go into too much detail so I’ll try to hold back. There came a point when I completely stopped trying to eat as a family at the dinner table. I got tired of clearing the crap off the table to eat. Most of which was my husbands. (I’m positive he’d deny that though.) When I did manage to clean it off, he’d always eat after us. We’d be about done when he’d finally get up to get his plate. Usually because he’d been playing video games. (In the same room.)

So, now we eat wherever. A lot of the time, none of us eat at the same time, let alone sit together. Many times I’ve made meals big enough for the four of us and ended up throwing most of it away because it didn’t get eaten. Sometimes, I’d ask my husband if he was going to eat because it had been sitting there so long and he’d say “I didn’t know it was ready” (when he is literally 10-15 feet away and in a direct line of sight from where I’m making it and where everyone is making their plates) or he’d say yes but then not eat for another length of time; at which point it had been sitting out too long to refrigerate imo.

I’ve never been the type to force my kids to eat what I make. If they decide they don’t want it, they’re on their own though. I’m not going to make everyone a separate meal. So, when I make food I ask who wants what I’m making and about how much.

That brings me to tonight.

When I asked my son if he wanted any he replied by telling me he didn’t want fish. But then proceeded to tell me he’d eat one or two when I was confirming that he didn’t want any. I then asked him if he’d want some Mac n cheese (which is filling on its own) to which he replied “I don’t care”. I asked if he’d eat it if I made it to which he again replied “I don’t care”. I asked for a yes or no and he got irritated and said yes and that he’d already told me I don’t care. I explained that I don’t care wasn’t a yes or no answer and that I was asking him specifically because I knew he didn’t want the fish. My Narc husband was sitting off to the side and smirking. I’m sure he was gloating inside at his son learning to talk to me that way from him. Gloating at how my son was getting frustrated because I am so difficult to communicate with.

When I asked my daughter, she said she’d eat 3 or 4. I figured 4 for myself and 4 for their dad. There were about 14 in the box so I only made the one box instead of two. I took my 4, my son went in the kitchen and grabbed a couple (I didn’t see how many) along with a comment like “oh, these freakin things” and my daughter came in to get hers but only grabbed 3, leaving 4 on the plate. She asked, “How many did you make? There’s only 4 left.”

I got so frustrated. I got up and looked and saw there was 4 left. Exactly what I had planned. I stated how many everyone had said they wanted and that was exactly how much I had made. I explained that I wasn’t going to make twice as many as that when everyone had been saying they really didn’t want many. She asked why I was so mad. I told her because I ask everyone how many they want and they act like they don’t even want it and then I’m asked why I didn’t make more.

All of this is going on, like I said earlier, about 10-15 feet away from their dad. About 15 minutes later, he goes in the kitchen and begins making something else. Steak for shish-kabobs that he had bought for camping while hunting. I said “You’re making something else?” He went on to say that he didn’t dare eat without knowing if everyone else ate already. HIS behavior is what trained our children to delay coming to eat dinner when it’s ready. He has come in before and eaten everything that’s left without asking if everyone has eaten. I said all it takes is asking THREE WORDS… “Has everybody eaten?” He looked at me like that was an insane concept.

I went back and told my daughter that he was making something else so if she wanted more fish, it was there at the moment. I came back and sat down and he turned around and went into her room. I don’t know what was said but that is when my daughter came out, gave me a kiss, and told me she loved me and then went into the kitchen and tried to have a conversation about hunting with her dad.

I don’t know what happened to the remaining fish except that someone ate it because when I went in there to wash the pan, they were gone.

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Always the good guy.

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So, he took our son with him to go hunting for deer this weekend. I’ll have to cover hunting in it’s own post.

But, anyway. He bought food for the trip. He said it was enough for two days but was only planning on staying one night. But, that way they’d have enough if they wanted to stay longer. I’m not sure what made my son want to go because he’s always said he doesn’t really like it. He likes spending time with his dad, he likes the camping part and shooting guns, but the actual hunting not so much. Or maybe that’s just me not getting the whole story. I asked him if he was excited before he left and he shrugged.

They left Friday evening and came back at about 7:30 on Saturday night. When they came inside, my son told me that he had forgot to tell me that one of his friends (that lives about 25 minutes away) was having a Halloween party… that they came back so he could go but when he talked to his friend, he couldn’t go anymore because other kids that weren’t invited had showed up and now there were too many people. I asked what time the party started to which he replied 6.

Arriving home at 7:30 in hunting attire, needing to shower and/or change and drive there, it would be probably about an hour before he could get there. But of course, his dad was the good guy for not only taking him hunting and spending so much money on that, but also cutting his trip short so my son could go to the Halloween party. If he had been home by say 5:00(?), he’d have had enough time to be there when it started… before all the other kids (who weren’t supposed to go) showed up.

Tonight, amidst another ordeal, our daughter was trying to have a conversation with him. She was asking about hunting. I don’t know if it was subconscious, but I don’t think it was. Everyone knows, if you are talking about him, he’s more than willing to talk. She asked him about when they got back and he proceeded to tell her about how my son made him leave early to go to the party and then ended up not even being able to go.

Maybe it’s because he wasn’t going to show up until 2 1/2 hours after the party started?! Their dad is always late to everything; When it’s time to be leaving, he is just starting to get ready.

But he’s always the good guy.