Red Flag #4

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I have a thing about farting and burping around others. Probably just my ‘proper Catholic’ upbringing. My parents were very much that way. I’m pretty accepting and easygoing and am not like my parents in a lot of ways.

But this stuck with me. If you have to fart or burp, if you can’t excuse yourself or hide it, at least say, “excuse me.”

Especially farting. I know everyone does it but I also know that no one likes the smell of shit! Walk away, go to the bathroom, open a window or spray some air freshener.

Burping is whatever, as long as it’s not in my face. Both can even be funny occasionally. But again, just excuse yourself.

Well, he knows this about me. He knows I try and teach our kids this.

So what does he do? He burps and farts as much ass he can make himself. Especially when it’s silent. Especially when I’m not paying any attention. EVERY TIME he stands up or walks by, he will do one or the other.

It’s quite disgusting and immature and reminds me of a child being bad to get attention. But for someone who claims that he is a great husband… well.

I do not respond or even visibly acknowledge that I hear or notice. But, I can see out of the corner of my eye, him looking to see if it got a reaction from me this time.

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I am the king! 👑

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My son has taken interest in guitar. It started with a ukulele and then an acoustic guitar. He’s been playing those for a few months and is self taught. His musical skill impresses me; especially because I have none. Lol

I love when he comes out of his room just to sit with me and show off what he has learned. He’s always asking me, “what song is this?” It’s pretty comical how bad I am at recognizing songs, and it’s not at all a reflection of his talent.

Today, we were doing just this. We had gone down to the local guitar place that we’d never been to and I bought him some new picks. (sp?) We looked at some inexpensive electric guitars they had for sale as he’s been talking about how much he wants one. He’s especially interested in learned bass guitar. They also offer lessons there. It they’re kind of pricey. You get four 1/2 hour lessons a month for $90. Maybe that’s just my thriftiness showing through. He said he’d really like a bass guitar for Christmas but I told him, if he finds a decent used one that I can afford, he wouldn’t need to wait until Christmas. They had a brand new one there for $199. That’s a pretty good deal but a little above my price range. I told him that if he could get his dad to pay half, we could probably do it.

So, we’re sitting in the living room and he’s playing his guitar and ukulele when his dad got home. His dad walks passed us and does a little chuckle as he’s walking by us. There was nothing to laugh at. Then, he comes out of the bathroom a couple minutes later and goes in the kitchen. My son tells him, “Hey dad, you what I want? A bass guitar.” He was trying to get a dialogue going with his dad. He’s told me before, that is how he gets his dad to EVEN CONSIDER buying him something that he (his dad) is not really interested in as a hobby of his own.

His dad looks at him and says, “No.”

Then he looks over to me and says, “See how I did that?”, with a smirk on his face. Then he went back to going through his papers he has scattered around the counter.

I just ignored him. Grey rock. I was fuming inside.

Then he follows up by saying, “You know what I want?”

I couldn’t hold my tongue. I laughed and said, “Nothing? Because you buy everything you want?”

He ignored me and said, “Someone to clean up the dog poop.”

I could feel the heat rising up in me and caught myself and held my tongue. Grey rock.

Let me say, he does NOTHING around the house! If anything, he could AT LEAST take out the trash and clean up the dog poop. Heaven knows he doesn’t do anything but wash his own laundry. Which, I’ll add, is in a huge heap in our garage, by his own choosing! He barely ever even puts his dirty dishes in the sink, let alone rinse them off! Or hell, even throw his damn trash away! I don’t even GO IN that room because it makes me so angry!

I look over at my son and he hasn’t even moved since he last spoke. I can see the wheels turning in his mind as he stares off at nothing. I know what he’s feeling. I’ve been there. He’s blaming himself; he’s wondering what he said wrong; he’s asking himself if he asks for too much; he’s thinking he just blew his chance of getting that guitar before Christmas. It breaks my heart.

The only thing I could think to say was, “Well, I think it’d be cool if you had one.”

My husband then says, “You know what else I want? …someone to put a trash bag back in the trash can when they take the trash out.” To which I replied, “Oh, that was me.” My son said something like, “Ha! It wasn’t me.” His dad responded with, “Well just blame (our daughter) since she’s not in here.” (Like now he’s light hearted and joking around)

I wanted to yell so badly! I wanted to say one of the hundred responses I had running through my mind.

~”Because why would you have to do anything to help around here?!”

~”Way to crush a kids’ spirit!”

~”Wow!”

I can’t even remember everything I was thinking in that moment. It was all I could do to ignore it. Grey rock.

I’m going to talk to my son when his dad’s not around and ask what he was thinking when his dad responded like that. Try and make sure he’s not feeling like he said something wrong.