It’s never okay


So the reason I decided to pick up the blog post again today was because something happened that I just couldn’t handle again. As I said in my previous post it’s not like nothing has happened but every once in while and it just crosses that line.

We had to put our dog to sleep last week. Last. Week. Immediately after, he was talking about getting a new puppy which I was adamantly against because I knew it would end up being me waking up with the puppy, feeding the puppy, cleaning up after the puppy, etc.

Well, two days later he went and bought a very expensive puppy. She is cute and she is smart but our priorities are not in the same place. I’ve explained in another post how much we need different things that just cost too much money and here he is spending thousands of dollars on his hot rod in the back and a new puppy.

He took good care of her for two days and then it shifted to be coming my responsibility. And when I brought it up to him he stated he thought our other dog (who is afraid of the puppy) was going to hurt her if we left her outside with him. So when I brought up that I felt like I was the one taking care of her when I was the one who said I didn’t want this right now his answer was to either just leave her in her shit her put her outside and kill the other dog if he touched her.

Meanwhile he’s texting and talking to his friends and family about how he has already potty trained her and exaggerating how the other dogs react to her.

We got her I think on Tuesday by Thursday it had become my responsibility. It’s now Saturday and when she was crying at 6 o’clock in the morning to go outside it with me who woke up from down the hallway in the room with the door closed to put her outside. Yet he was sleeping in the room right next to her. After I put her outside I want to try to go back to sleep and at about 7:30 she was barking to come back inside. again I was the one to wake up and let her inside at which point I also gave her food and water and shut her in the kennel so that I could go back to sleep. Not even 60 seconds after I had lay down again I hear him putting her outside.

I walked out there and calmly told him that I had already let her outside for an hour and her just let her back in with food and water. He responded with something like, “I didn’t know that” as I was walking back to my bed. Then he passed the bathroom in the hallway and came into the room where I was laying to use the bathroom in there. After he close the door to the back. He made a remark about how he doesn’t have to follow my rules. When he came out again calmly, I told him that I had woken up at 6 AM to let the puppy outside left her out there for an hour I tried to go back to sleep and then again woke up at 7:30 to let her inside and give her food and water. I said when I heard him put her outside I came to tell him that I had already done all of this and asked why that was a problem. He says that I lectured him and went on and on in detail about everything that I did to take care of the puppy. I objected and said I was just telling him what I did that I didn’t sign up for and that’s why that’s a problem. It escalated from there and he made some shitty remark as he walked away and now I was angry two and got to make myself some coffee. He made it like how was he supposed to know that she was doing all that when he was asleep but I was asleep too and I was much further away from her than he was and he kind a closed door and not even a minute after I had just finished doing all of this to take care of her he gets up and thinks he’s doing it and when I let him know but I had done it’s a problem and I’m lecturing him. He started talking over me not getting letting me get a sentence out and ignoring anything I was saying. I continued to calmly repeat the same sentence over and over again to which he just kept talking over me about how I’m so unreasonable and how I don’t listen and on and on about how horrible I am because he couldn’t stand to listen to what I was saying.

So I started doing it back. I started just talking about how I’m just going to talk and talk and not listen to anybody and talk about everything he says and go on and on and not hear anything and keep talking so I don’t have to listen to him and act just like he does and go on and on just like this. Well this pissed him off now I’m acting like him. It’s OK for him to treat people that way but not for people to do it to him. He turned the TV up so loud that I could not hear the coffee maker that was right in front of me. He was sitting in the recliner smiling because he was so proud of what an ass he was being and so I walked in front of him, between him and the TV. He went from smiling to giving me a threatening stare. When I started calling him out on his behavior, not yelling, he stood up and leaned forward shoulder first and pushed me away from him with his shoulder in my chest. I said wow you’re gonna rush me with your shoulder because you’re angry? I which point he got in my face yelling telling me that I was in his face and asking me if me if I wanted to go there. I said I wasn’t in your face like this I was standing in front of you. He moved and I walked away. He told me I was a cunt. Now I was furious and trembling. I told him that I was done along time ago because he was done and stopped trying and does exactly this; he gets angry and he gets physical and verbally abusive and that is never OK. I asked him if somebody was physical and verbally abusive with his daughter but whatever OK and if she should just not get mad.

I disengaged from the situation and I’m now sitting in my car to write this post and get it out of my system so I can move on in my day since it is only 8:30 in the morning on Saturday.

I’m going to put this out of my mind and focus on positive energy and raising my level of consciousness and focusing on good things.




Control. Power. Superiority.

That’s what withholding is about with a narcissist.

Most recent example.

We are renting through one of my high school friends. It’s nice because when there is a repair that needs to be done, it’s no hassle to do it. Narc husband is fairly skilled with household matters. Just because he can doesn’t always mean he will though. Either he does the repair or we call a service person, include the receipt with the rent check and deduct the amount from the payment. He has fixed a few things (i.e. The garage door springs and the front gate.)

About a month ago our dishwasher stopped working. From what I could tell by doing google and YouTube searches, the skill level was easy and it should cost less than $100 for the parts. I sent him the links that described how to check and fix the problem. He told me he didn’t have a multimeter so he couldn’t check. I waited a couple weeks to see if he was going to attempt to fix it. My parents had one and so I borrowed it when I had a chance to go to their house. It had been broken for about 3 weeks at that point.

One thing the searches told me was that I would need to shut off the circuit breaker before opening the dishwasher. When I went and looked I saw that none of the breakers are marked. So, before I could even start trying to see what was wrong with the dishwasher I was going to have my son help me and label the breakers. Or at the least, figure out which one went to the dishwasher.

I let my landlord know that it had stopped working and asked if there was a specific repair company I needed to call. She suggested that they used Sears and thanked me for handling it. After a couple days of contemplating if I was skilled enough or had the right tools or enough time to attempt the repair, I opted to call Sears.

The repairman came and it took less than an hour for him to diagnose and repair the problem. Turned out to be the wire harness. It was actually sparking and had melted the wires a bit. I definitely wouldn’t have attempted to touch that! Lol

It turned out to be $200 which included the $99 service fee. Not bad right?

When Narc husband came home, I showed him the melted wire harness and asked if he had a screwdriver that I could use to put the base back on the dishwasher. (I had asked the repairman to leave it off so that I could clean out underneath it and clean off the base plates.)

Narc husband asked why the guy didn’t put them back on (because I asked him not to so I could clean it). He makes a comment about me telling him to leave them off without having a screwdriver to put them back on with. I ask if he has a screwdriver that’ll work and show him the screws. He says, “no” which I know is not true. I tell him about talking to the landlord and how I put the receipt on the fridge and that it was $200. He makes a comment, “just so you know, a new dishwasher only costs about $400-$500” and tell him that I know that but it wasn’t my decision anyway. For some reason, this was all a problem for him. I could tell by the look on his face, his comments and unwillingness to help me with any of it or to say any kind word. I took a closer look and see that a Phillips will work. I ask if he knows where one is and he says, “not right now.” It was about 4:30 pm.

I dropped the subject and went on with the evening. He sat a played video games and was on his phone the rest of the night and then went to sleep. (He sleeps on the living room recliner btw. But that’s a whole other post!)

So, that was yesterday. Today, I decided to look a little harder for the right screwdriver. We have two garages full of his tools and hobbies. After a couple minutes I found a toolbox. I opened it and what do you know? Not only do I find a Phillips but also find another one that will fit the screws exactly. For anyone who doesn’t know, the screws are like hexagons on the top. The tool I found had an attachment like a socket wrench that fit exactly to these little screws. It took me about 5 minutes to reattach the screws and put the tools away.

Now, I’ll just be responsible for making sure the receipt is included with the rent check since that is his portion of responsibility in regards to paying bills. And I’m sure it’ll be an issue to get him to give me the $200 that I paid from my credit card.

Catching up


Summertime puts my schedule in overtime. I work full-time and have two teens that want to enjoy their summer and I do my best to let them.
Going to try and make this short and sweet. Bullets are my friends. 😉

Fourth of July
– Took the kids to Lake Gregory on the 2nd. This is something we've never done before. They had a 'water park', paddle boards, pedal boats and fireworks at night. Guess who didn't go.
– Went to my parent's house as usual on the 4th to swim and BBQ. Fireworks at night. Sis-in-law and family came as usual. Had to have and unnecessary in-depth convo with the Narc because of these plans. I did an exceptional job at staying on point in just getting an answer as to whether he was coming with us or not. He tried multiple times to derail the convo into past problems and 'poor me' stuff and I didn't let it get to my emotions or change the convo track. Or not much. We were on our way out the door and already running late so I can't help but feel it was intentional.

– End of July is a traditional Laughlin trip to celebrate his elderly grandmother's birthday. Family comes from CA and CO annually. Last one I went to was 5 years ago. He's went one additional time than me in that time and the only reason I couldn't go was because I had to be in town to sign-up for the in person only, first come first serve bus sign-ups. He waited to decide to go until the Wednesday of that week and didn't inform me until Friday. He wanted to go Friday night but everyone who's ever rented a hotel in Laughlin knows that summer books up quickly and rates double if it's within two weeks of booked dates. We ended up going up on Saturday morning and coming back Sunday night.

I have to add that he paid for almost everything for the Laughlin trip, including a 16 person dinner. He paid for the gas and hotel room. Meals (except for one) and some other things.

Yet, rent was paid over a week late this month.

He still hasn't paid his half of the kids' dental bill that we paid cash for. (He told me he'd give me half for the down payment but still hasn't even though I reminded him of the date and time of their appointments multiple times leading up to them. So, I ended up having to cover it.)

Kids started school today and he didn't attempt to help with back-to-school shopping at all.

So, yah. Thank goodness I got my shit together when I did.

He finally replied. 


More than a week after my original text asking him why he hasn’t been depositing the money that he’d agreed to, he finally replied. Not surprised that it was now a few days before Fathers Day.

Amazing how a simple question turns into a huge back and forth of avoidance and accusations. His first response was “how much is it?” I had just told him in May how much, he knows very well how much and he was avoiding what I had asked. So, I told him how much and said that really wasn’t an answer.

The reason ended up being that he forgot or bought groceries instead. Both reasons are absurd to me. Good thing I don’t ‘forget’ to pay our utility bills or cover the IRS withdrawal every month. Imagine how that would play out. When I am expecting that money to be there and it isn’t, my account could overdraft and/or I might spend money that I wouldn’t have otherwise and the IRS isn’t very forgiving . And to say he bought groceries instead… that has always been something we were both doing. His words were actually “bought pretty much all the groceries” which is not true. I never stopped buying the usual amount of groceries that I have been buying. What he did was bought dog food more often and bought some steak or other expensive meals and other random junk more often. I’d rather we cover the necessities before buying extras.

~~ Yes, I figured out that he likes to put me in this position. It usually happens when I’ve been used to him doing whatever it is and expecting it. Then, out of nowhere he stops. I learn more quickly now and make sure the money is there or expect him not to be somewhere or do something. But, I always ask anyway, giving it a chance that he’ll surprise me. ~~

Without even pausing, as soon as he gave his excuses, he tried to turn it around to put me down and ask 20 questions. Rather than explain each detail or post screen shots, I’m just going to bullet point. Each point could be a whole page of explanation.

  • Blames debt on me, then tells me my share would be 1/3, then says we’ll just make everything 50/50 (which is how it was already supposed to be) -each one contradicting the other.
  • Says since I’m asking a question, he has some of his own, which he starts asking accusing questions (i.e. Where’s my wedding ring?? -it was on my finger and always has been, Why am I the only one not invited to a girls thing??I didn’t even answer that because I haven’t gone to any girls only things and invite him to everything, which he doesn’t go to and will deny my inviting him.) Plus, about 5 more questions including a remark about being room mates and him not needing a roommate.
  • Called me plain mean (I don’t know what about, even re-reading the texts)
  • Telling me I only care about money – which doesn’t make any sense because if I only cared about getting money from him then I should be happy with our relationship.
  • After 20 years of him keeping everything separate, tells me it’s been me wanting it separate and what a pain it is.  – Yet, I practically forced him to open our joint checking account which he barely uses.
  • Telling me I haven’t contributed to our relationship financially until recently. Which is a lie or at least a huge exaggeration. ~Out of our 24 year relationship, about 6 of them was I not employed. I was at home with our children.
  • Talking in circles! Ugh! This drives me nuts. I tried extra hard to stay on track this time but not sure how much I succeeded.  – This is where he says something, I respond, he denies saying what I’m responding to and says something else, which I respond to, so he says the original thing or says I said what he started with. Obviously nothing productive ever comes from this kind of conversation.
  • Telling me I’m wrong and that I’m twisting facts

I finally had to just stop responding because it was midnight, I was tired and we both had work the next day. That totally pissed him off but the conversation was going nowhere and was exploding into something huge when all I had originally wanted to know was why he wasnt depositing the money and if he was going to be from now on. (Which he said yes he would be. But, to give you an idea how that is playing out~ the next day he got a paycheck, today is the 18th, the money gets automatically withdrawn on the 20th.)

It’s extremely hard to grey rock when you have financial obligations that include both people and when you need an answer to something. 😣

Red Flag Warning #2


Anytime there is a holiday or special occasion, the Narc will make sure to cause conflict or commotion to ruin it. 



So, it’s been over a week since I sent the text asking my narc about money not being deposited.  I actually texted him again a couple days later asking if he was ignoring me which of course had no response. I don’t really want to bring it up in conversation. I want the response in writing because I feel like I can foresee words being twisted or some sort of gaslighting coming from it.
I have to say that last weekend I went outside to do some needed yardwork in the backyard. After being out there for about half an hour my narc came outside. Apparently he rented a tractor and was going to do some work with it moving dirt and filling in some holes. 

I’m always up for improving our yard. We are renting and I feel like it gets put off a lot so I was all for working together improving the yard. Separately but at the same time. After being out there for a few hours I ended up helping him with some of the dirt work (literally). That gave way to a small amount of verbal communication but really only anything that had to do with the task at hand.

At that point, I still hadn’t heard anything from him regarding the money being deposited and no sign of the money in the bank account. So, Monday afternoon I sent another text that read, “Still wondering why you haven’t been depositing the money for the IRS and your phone into the account.” It is now Wednesday afternoon and I still have not received a response. 

It’s obvious that he is ignoring the text because prior to my inquiry we would communicate via text probably more often than verbally. But since my inquiry, he has had zero text communication with me.