It’s never okay


So the reason I decided to pick up the blog post again today was because something happened that I just couldn’t handle again. As I said in my previous post it’s not like nothing has happened but every once in while and it just crosses that line.

We had to put our dog to sleep last week. Last. Week. Immediately after, he was talking about getting a new puppy which I was adamantly against because I knew it would end up being me waking up with the puppy, feeding the puppy, cleaning up after the puppy, etc.

Well, two days later he went and bought a very expensive puppy. She is cute and she is smart but our priorities are not in the same place. I’ve explained in another post how much we need different things that just cost too much money and here he is spending thousands of dollars on his hot rod in the back and a new puppy.

He took good care of her for two days and then it shifted to be coming my responsibility. And when I brought it up to him he stated he thought our other dog (who is afraid of the puppy) was going to hurt her if we left her outside with him. So when I brought up that I felt like I was the one taking care of her when I was the one who said I didn’t want this right now his answer was to either just leave her in her shit her put her outside and kill the other dog if he touched her.

Meanwhile he’s texting and talking to his friends and family about how he has already potty trained her and exaggerating how the other dogs react to her.

We got her I think on Tuesday by Thursday it had become my responsibility. It’s now Saturday and when she was crying at 6 o’clock in the morning to go outside it with me who woke up from down the hallway in the room with the door closed to put her outside. Yet he was sleeping in the room right next to her. After I put her outside I want to try to go back to sleep and at about 7:30 she was barking to come back inside. again I was the one to wake up and let her inside at which point I also gave her food and water and shut her in the kennel so that I could go back to sleep. Not even 60 seconds after I had lay down again I hear him putting her outside.

I walked out there and calmly told him that I had already let her outside for an hour and her just let her back in with food and water. He responded with something like, “I didn’t know that” as I was walking back to my bed. Then he passed the bathroom in the hallway and came into the room where I was laying to use the bathroom in there. After he close the door to the back. He made a remark about how he doesn’t have to follow my rules. When he came out again calmly, I told him that I had woken up at 6 AM to let the puppy outside left her out there for an hour I tried to go back to sleep and then again woke up at 7:30 to let her inside and give her food and water. I said when I heard him put her outside I came to tell him that I had already done all of this and asked why that was a problem. He says that I lectured him and went on and on in detail about everything that I did to take care of the puppy. I objected and said I was just telling him what I did that I didn’t sign up for and that’s why that’s a problem. It escalated from there and he made some shitty remark as he walked away and now I was angry two and got to make myself some coffee. He made it like how was he supposed to know that she was doing all that when he was asleep but I was asleep too and I was much further away from her than he was and he kind a closed door and not even a minute after I had just finished doing all of this to take care of her he gets up and thinks he’s doing it and when I let him know but I had done it’s a problem and I’m lecturing him. He started talking over me not getting letting me get a sentence out and ignoring anything I was saying. I continued to calmly repeat the same sentence over and over again to which he just kept talking over me about how I’m so unreasonable and how I don’t listen and on and on about how horrible I am because he couldn’t stand to listen to what I was saying.

So I started doing it back. I started just talking about how I’m just going to talk and talk and not listen to anybody and talk about everything he says and go on and on and not hear anything and keep talking so I don’t have to listen to him and act just like he does and go on and on just like this. Well this pissed him off now I’m acting like him. It’s OK for him to treat people that way but not for people to do it to him. He turned the TV up so loud that I could not hear the coffee maker that was right in front of me. He was sitting in the recliner smiling because he was so proud of what an ass he was being and so I walked in front of him, between him and the TV. He went from smiling to giving me a threatening stare. When I started calling him out on his behavior, not yelling, he stood up and leaned forward shoulder first and pushed me away from him with his shoulder in my chest. I said wow you’re gonna rush me with your shoulder because you’re angry? I which point he got in my face yelling telling me that I was in his face and asking me if me if I wanted to go there. I said I wasn’t in your face like this I was standing in front of you. He moved and I walked away. He told me I was a cunt. Now I was furious and trembling. I told him that I was done along time ago because he was done and stopped trying and does exactly this; he gets angry and he gets physical and verbally abusive and that is never OK. I asked him if somebody was physical and verbally abusive with his daughter but whatever OK and if she should just not get mad.

I disengaged from the situation and I’m now sitting in my car to write this post and get it out of my system so I can move on in my day since it is only 8:30 in the morning on Saturday.

I’m going to put this out of my mind and focus on positive energy and raising my level of consciousness and focusing on good things.


Catching up


Summertime puts my schedule in overtime. I work full-time and have two teens that want to enjoy their summer and I do my best to let them.
Going to try and make this short and sweet. Bullets are my friends. 😉

Fourth of July
– Took the kids to Lake Gregory on the 2nd. This is something we've never done before. They had a 'water park', paddle boards, pedal boats and fireworks at night. Guess who didn't go.
– Went to my parent's house as usual on the 4th to swim and BBQ. Fireworks at night. Sis-in-law and family came as usual. Had to have and unnecessary in-depth convo with the Narc because of these plans. I did an exceptional job at staying on point in just getting an answer as to whether he was coming with us or not. He tried multiple times to derail the convo into past problems and 'poor me' stuff and I didn't let it get to my emotions or change the convo track. Or not much. We were on our way out the door and already running late so I can't help but feel it was intentional.

– End of July is a traditional Laughlin trip to celebrate his elderly grandmother's birthday. Family comes from CA and CO annually. Last one I went to was 5 years ago. He's went one additional time than me in that time and the only reason I couldn't go was because I had to be in town to sign-up for the in person only, first come first serve bus sign-ups. He waited to decide to go until the Wednesday of that week and didn't inform me until Friday. He wanted to go Friday night but everyone who's ever rented a hotel in Laughlin knows that summer books up quickly and rates double if it's within two weeks of booked dates. We ended up going up on Saturday morning and coming back Sunday night.

I have to add that he paid for almost everything for the Laughlin trip, including a 16 person dinner. He paid for the gas and hotel room. Meals (except for one) and some other things.

Yet, rent was paid over a week late this month.

He still hasn't paid his half of the kids' dental bill that we paid cash for. (He told me he'd give me half for the down payment but still hasn't even though I reminded him of the date and time of their appointments multiple times leading up to them. So, I ended up having to cover it.)

Kids started school today and he didn't attempt to help with back-to-school shopping at all.

So, yah. Thank goodness I got my shit together when I did.

He finally replied. 


More than a week after my original text asking him why he hasn’t been depositing the money that he’d agreed to, he finally replied. Not surprised that it was now a few days before Fathers Day.

Amazing how a simple question turns into a huge back and forth of avoidance and accusations. His first response was “how much is it?” I had just told him in May how much, he knows very well how much and he was avoiding what I had asked. So, I told him how much and said that really wasn’t an answer.

The reason ended up being that he forgot or bought groceries instead. Both reasons are absurd to me. Good thing I don’t ‘forget’ to pay our utility bills or cover the IRS withdrawal every month. Imagine how that would play out. When I am expecting that money to be there and it isn’t, my account could overdraft and/or I might spend money that I wouldn’t have otherwise and the IRS isn’t very forgiving . And to say he bought groceries instead… that has always been something we were both doing. His words were actually “bought pretty much all the groceries” which is not true. I never stopped buying the usual amount of groceries that I have been buying. What he did was bought dog food more often and bought some steak or other expensive meals and other random junk more often. I’d rather we cover the necessities before buying extras.

~~ Yes, I figured out that he likes to put me in this position. It usually happens when I’ve been used to him doing whatever it is and expecting it. Then, out of nowhere he stops. I learn more quickly now and make sure the money is there or expect him not to be somewhere or do something. But, I always ask anyway, giving it a chance that he’ll surprise me. ~~

Without even pausing, as soon as he gave his excuses, he tried to turn it around to put me down and ask 20 questions. Rather than explain each detail or post screen shots, I’m just going to bullet point. Each point could be a whole page of explanation.

  • Blames debt on me, then tells me my share would be 1/3, then says we’ll just make everything 50/50 (which is how it was already supposed to be) -each one contradicting the other.
  • Says since I’m asking a question, he has some of his own, which he starts asking accusing questions (i.e. Where’s my wedding ring?? -it was on my finger and always has been, Why am I the only one not invited to a girls thing??I didn’t even answer that because I haven’t gone to any girls only things and invite him to everything, which he doesn’t go to and will deny my inviting him.) Plus, about 5 more questions including a remark about being room mates and him not needing a roommate.
  • Called me plain mean (I don’t know what about, even re-reading the texts)
  • Telling me I only care about money – which doesn’t make any sense because if I only cared about getting money from him then I should be happy with our relationship.
  • After 20 years of him keeping everything separate, tells me it’s been me wanting it separate and what a pain it is.  – Yet, I practically forced him to open our joint checking account which he barely uses.
  • Telling me I haven’t contributed to our relationship financially until recently. Which is a lie or at least a huge exaggeration. ~Out of our 24 year relationship, about 6 of them was I not employed. I was at home with our children.
  • Talking in circles! Ugh! This drives me nuts. I tried extra hard to stay on track this time but not sure how much I succeeded.  – This is where he says something, I respond, he denies saying what I’m responding to and says something else, which I respond to, so he says the original thing or says I said what he started with. Obviously nothing productive ever comes from this kind of conversation.
  • Telling me I’m wrong and that I’m twisting facts

I finally had to just stop responding because it was midnight, I was tired and we both had work the next day. That totally pissed him off but the conversation was going nowhere and was exploding into something huge when all I had originally wanted to know was why he wasnt depositing the money and if he was going to be from now on. (Which he said yes he would be. But, to give you an idea how that is playing out~ the next day he got a paycheck, today is the 18th, the money gets automatically withdrawn on the 20th.)

It’s extremely hard to grey rock when you have financial obligations that include both people and when you need an answer to something. 😣

Mind games


Curious what this looks like to others. How would you analyze this? 

This is a conversation from 13 years of marriage, 20 year relationship. 

I knew things were wrong but I wasn’t able to realize there was narcissism involved until more than a year after this conversation happened. (Notice the last two messages of the conversation and the time stamps.)

Side note- these conversations don’t happen anymore for obvious reasons. I am doing my best to be the grey rock since learning what narcissism is.