Flying monkeys

Standard

So I guess this could technically go onto red flag but I just wanted to share how they (Narcs) can turn people into flying monkeys right in front of you.

So my previous post I mention how my husband sister and her family were over at our house last weekend.

Somehow the Muslim religion got brought up between my husband narc and his sister and her husband. While I was in the same room I was not part of the conversation. I’ve stated many times to him and my kids how the terrorist attacks by Muslims are extremists. Any religion or country or belief system is going to have extremists that push the boundaries and set a bad example. Whether you agree with this is beside the point. When the conversation was going on my narc husband stated something to the effect of, “People say that the terrorists attacking us were extremists but that’s not true; they’re all like that. That’s just stupidity. ” To which his sister responded something like, “Yeah it says right there in their book that they believe everyone else should die.”

Point 1- He meant that I say that and was saying my opinion was stupidity.

Point 2- He’s having others talk about my opinion in front of me without their knowledge.

Point 3- Neither one of them have read any part of the English translation. I know because I have and they are clearly only speculating from here-say and media

reports.

About 5 minutes later somehow the conversation got turned into one about drinking alcohol. I haven’t posted about this but let me tell you he’s been on beer drinking streak. To the point where a six pack will be gone in a day or two. To the point where I buy some weird ass flavored alcoholic beverage that I know he will not like and he will drink the very last one when he has other beer to drink. (His father died from alcoholism and he talks shit about people who drink beer every day all the time.) He goes out to his garage and takes a beer with him and comes back inside multiple times to get another beer. Yet, when he was having this conversation with his sister and her husband, he told them that he rarely drinks beer. That he had a pack of beer that he ended up throwing away because it was in our refrigerator for two years and that it went bad so he had to throw it away. This is such bullshit. I don’t know WTF he is talking about. He has made accusations to me in the past saying how he could see me becoming an alcoholic when I am the one who rarely drinks and when I do drink I rarely have more than one or two drinks.

I am the one who buys a six pack and it’ll last a month or more. Anyway he told them that and then also stated how the only time he likes to drink is when he is working on his car because of the metal taste he gets in his mouth- that the beer helps get rid of it. He forgot to state the fact that he’s been working on his car every freaking day for a couple months. But that’s not drinking a lot of beer. What the fuck ever dude.

I just glanced at him and smiled and kept my mouth shut instead of stating the obvious retort about what a lie that was.

I resorted to gray rock because all that would happen from me bringing up that it was a lie would that it would look like I was creating an argument or whatever to his sister and her husband. I don’t need to point out his lies, people will see it in time.

He was making an effort to create flying monkeys of them. That’s all it was and honestly they’re his family and she has stabbed me in the back before when I went to her for help. Instead of helping us, she twisted my words around and told him her twisted version of what I said. And that was enough for him to pack his shit and leave me and his two babies.

So I’m done trying to get others to see what he does. They’ll see when he does it to them.

Advertisements

Red Flag #3

Standard

Insults for everybody. Don’t worry, there’s always enough to go around.

When they aren’t insulting you directly, they are doing it indirectly.

For example, commenting on a Facebook post. Instead of commenting on the post when they don’t agree with what the reporter is saying, they comment something like, “Her forehead is huge!”

When in fact, it wasn’t really. It was maybe a 3-finger if you use that scale.

But, the comment was intentional even if the Narc denies it. It was specifically aimed at someone they know will see the comment who will in turn compare the size of their own forehead. It could also be that the Narc is so lacking in empathy that they are not even remotely considering that a lot of people they know have the same size or larger forehead and will take the comment to heart. (i.e. Their child, parent, sibling, friend, etc.)

He finally replied. 

Standard

More than a week after my original text asking him why he hasn’t been depositing the money that he’d agreed to, he finally replied. Not surprised that it was now a few days before Fathers Day.

Amazing how a simple question turns into a huge back and forth of avoidance and accusations. His first response was “how much is it?” I had just told him in May how much, he knows very well how much and he was avoiding what I had asked. So, I told him how much and said that really wasn’t an answer.

The reason ended up being that he forgot or bought groceries instead. Both reasons are absurd to me. Good thing I don’t ‘forget’ to pay our utility bills or cover the IRS withdrawal every month. Imagine how that would play out. When I am expecting that money to be there and it isn’t, my account could overdraft and/or I might spend money that I wouldn’t have otherwise and the IRS isn’t very forgiving . And to say he bought groceries instead… that has always been something we were both doing. His words were actually “bought pretty much all the groceries” which is not true. I never stopped buying the usual amount of groceries that I have been buying. What he did was bought dog food more often and bought some steak or other expensive meals and other random junk more often. I’d rather we cover the necessities before buying extras.

~~ Yes, I figured out that he likes to put me in this position. It usually happens when I’ve been used to him doing whatever it is and expecting it. Then, out of nowhere he stops. I learn more quickly now and make sure the money is there or expect him not to be somewhere or do something. But, I always ask anyway, giving it a chance that he’ll surprise me. ~~

Without even pausing, as soon as he gave his excuses, he tried to turn it around to put me down and ask 20 questions. Rather than explain each detail or post screen shots, I’m just going to bullet point. Each point could be a whole page of explanation.

  • Blames debt on me, then tells me my share would be 1/3, then says we’ll just make everything 50/50 (which is how it was already supposed to be) -each one contradicting the other.
  • Says since I’m asking a question, he has some of his own, which he starts asking accusing questions (i.e. Where’s my wedding ring?? -it was on my finger and always has been, Why am I the only one not invited to a girls thing??I didn’t even answer that because I haven’t gone to any girls only things and invite him to everything, which he doesn’t go to and will deny my inviting him.) Plus, about 5 more questions including a remark about being room mates and him not needing a roommate.
  • Called me plain mean (I don’t know what about, even re-reading the texts)
  • Telling me I only care about money – which doesn’t make any sense because if I only cared about getting money from him then I should be happy with our relationship.
  • After 20 years of him keeping everything separate, tells me it’s been me wanting it separate and what a pain it is.  – Yet, I practically forced him to open our joint checking account which he barely uses.
  • Telling me I haven’t contributed to our relationship financially until recently. Which is a lie or at least a huge exaggeration. ~Out of our 24 year relationship, about 6 of them was I not employed. I was at home with our children.
  • Talking in circles! Ugh! This drives me nuts. I tried extra hard to stay on track this time but not sure how much I succeeded.  – This is where he says something, I respond, he denies saying what I’m responding to and says something else, which I respond to, so he says the original thing or says I said what he started with. Obviously nothing productive ever comes from this kind of conversation.
  • Telling me I’m wrong and that I’m twisting facts

I finally had to just stop responding because it was midnight, I was tired and we both had work the next day. That totally pissed him off but the conversation was going nowhere and was exploding into something huge when all I had originally wanted to know was why he wasnt depositing the money and if he was going to be from now on. (Which he said yes he would be. But, to give you an idea how that is playing out~ the next day he got a paycheck, today is the 18th, the money gets automatically withdrawn on the 20th.)

It’s extremely hard to grey rock when you have financial obligations that include both people and when you need an answer to something. 😣

Red Flag Warning #2

Standard

Anytime there is a holiday or special occasion, the Narc will make sure to cause conflict or commotion to ruin it.