My heart is breaking right now. My children are my world and have been since the days they came into this world. They saved my life when I was at a very low place and battling depression. Hearing about their days and being able to come to them is my everything. Watching their unique personalities grow is an amazing thing to witness. They make me so proud.
But my son is 13 and, like any boy, looks up to his dad and holds him on a pedestal. Most often I try and hold my tongue rather than point out Narc traits in his dad. My daughter is a little older and has talked to me about it herself. But, not my son. I see when he is reflecting his dad’s opinions of me. It comes across in his words and actions sometimes. While I don’t point out or question him on where he is developing these actions towards me (because I know where) I do try and point out when something is not what people ‘normally‘ do or say. In a more round about way of course. For instance, I’ll state another perspective, a more empathetic one, or suggest another less aggressive reason for someone’s actions.
My Narc husband has mentioned moving to a place about 2 hours away, near where he is currently working. It’s a more expensive area. His job moves around. He’s never at one site more than a year or two. The area he has mentioned is very populated and the traffic is much worse than what he deals with now. Sure, for the length of his job at this site it may be more convenient but what about when he goes to the next one? It’s always been a statement more in passing than a conversation and he’s only mentioned it a couple times in the past year.
My son has now started mentioning moving there to me. His dad has glamorized it to him making him consider moving there. His dad makes more money than me and he sees his dad as a financial surplus. Expensive cars and nice things sound good to anyone, especially a teenage boy.
My Narc husband decided to sit down across from me tonight and talk about moving there. It was not a conversation, he was not asking my opinion. He was stating what he wanted to do and very well might do. He went on to tell me why it would be good for our children to move there, too.
I doubt very highly that my daughter would go. She has said she doesn’t want to move until she graduates, which is only a few years away.
But, with my son. I’m not so sure. It scares me to think he’d go with his dad. The influence he’d have on him scares me. He’s still learning who he is in this world and has a big heart, intelligent mind and is talented in anything he puts his mind to. I am the one nurturing those things though. His dad is only interested in cultivating the parts of my son that can be just like him.
There is no male or female in this world that I love more than my children. I understand that they will graduate and move on in life but I’m not ready to miss out on so much of my child’s life. It puts an ache in my chest just thinking about it.
Our families live where we are now. Our resources are here. Our children’s whole life has been lived here and the majority of ours as well. I finally have a great job with reliable income and our children are thriving. I don’t see any good coming from moving until they finish high school. The area we live now is not the greatest and it’s getting worse but I have always said I wanted to move before they reached high school. We didn’t and I don’t want to move until they’ve finished school now.
Plus, I don’t honestly know that I could make such a huge move with someone who I feel doesn’t have my best interest in mind at all.