Catching up

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Summertime puts my schedule in overtime. I work full-time and have two teens that want to enjoy their summer and I do my best to let them.
Going to try and make this short and sweet. Bullets are my friends. 😉

Fourth of July
– Took the kids to Lake Gregory on the 2nd. This is something we've never done before. They had a 'water park', paddle boards, pedal boats and fireworks at night. Guess who didn't go.
– Went to my parent's house as usual on the 4th to swim and BBQ. Fireworks at night. Sis-in-law and family came as usual. Had to have and unnecessary in-depth convo with the Narc because of these plans. I did an exceptional job at staying on point in just getting an answer as to whether he was coming with us or not. He tried multiple times to derail the convo into past problems and 'poor me' stuff and I didn't let it get to my emotions or change the convo track. Or not much. We were on our way out the door and already running late so I can't help but feel it was intentional.

Laughlin
– End of July is a traditional Laughlin trip to celebrate his elderly grandmother's birthday. Family comes from CA and CO annually. Last one I went to was 5 years ago. He's went one additional time than me in that time and the only reason I couldn't go was because I had to be in town to sign-up for the in person only, first come first serve bus sign-ups. He waited to decide to go until the Wednesday of that week and didn't inform me until Friday. He wanted to go Friday night but everyone who's ever rented a hotel in Laughlin knows that summer books up quickly and rates double if it's within two weeks of booked dates. We ended up going up on Saturday morning and coming back Sunday night.

I have to add that he paid for almost everything for the Laughlin trip, including a 16 person dinner. He paid for the gas and hotel room. Meals (except for one) and some other things.

Yet, rent was paid over a week late this month.

He still hasn't paid his half of the kids' dental bill that we paid cash for. (He told me he'd give me half for the down payment but still hasn't even though I reminded him of the date and time of their appointments multiple times leading up to them. So, I ended up having to cover it.)

Kids started school today and he didn't attempt to help with back-to-school shopping at all.

So, yah. Thank goodness I got my shit together when I did.

Love, marriage and children

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I knew I wanted to marry my husband pretty early on in the relationship. It took quite a few conversations, a few break ups and nine years for him to give me an engagement ring. Some of that time is understandable because I was 14 when I met him. 

At the time we had an apartment together and his sister lived with us. On Christmas morning we were opening our small stack of presents and there was a present wrapped for me from him. When I opened it inside was a small square jewelry box. I was a little stunned and did not get my hopes up that was it was a ring. But when I opened it that’s exactly what it was, and engagement ring and wedding band. I was in shock. I don’t show my emotions very well when someone gives me a gift anyway. I stared at the opened box in shock. I look back and forth between my dark and his sister as they sat waiting for a reaction. As I sat waiting for a long awaited and anticipated proposal… which didn’t happen.  I don’t remember every single detail but I do remember asking if it was an engagement ring. I remember taking it over to him and asking him to put it on me to which he said he didn’t think it would fit because I’d probably have to take it to get sized. They also told me how they had wanted it to be the gift that I chose to open the night before for our one present that we open on Christmas Eve so that I could have showed it off to my family when we went over there on Christmas Eve for dinner. 

Maybe it was wrong of me but I didn’t know how to react. As much as I wanted this engagement I wasn’t sure how to feel about him not even proposing to me and about him not wanting to put the ring on me. 

Before we got married when I was almost 22, I remember distinctly laying in bed with my narc and him telling me that he thought that it would be cool if we had a baby. Technically I think the words he used were, “I think it would be cool if you had a baby.” That day we conceived my daughter. It must’ve been in January; she was born the next November.

In February we decided we were going to let the least go with our apartment because our landlord was raising the rent and we didn’t think the apartment was worth that amount. So we decided together to move in with my parents save up some money and buy a house. We had already decided that we were going to get married in May. Right before we moved in with my parents we found out that I was in fact pregnant. 

We moved in with my parents in March and I had to stop working at the beginning of October because I was just too pregnant to keep working. Our daughter was born in November. 

When she was about five months old ice started working for a lady that I knew who had a daycare in her house. I had worked with her before and she was very willing to let me bring my daughter with me and do what I needed to take care of her while working. Only a couple weeks after starting work I began calling out sick which is very unlike me. I could probably count on my fingers how many times I’ve called out sick from a job in my life. She was pretty intuitive and suggested that I was pregnant. Since my daughter was so young, I was breast-feeding, and I haven’t started my new cycle yet after giving birth, I highly doubt it that I would be pregnant. After calling out a few times because I was sick I took a test and lo and behold I was in fact pregnant. At that time my daughter was only six months old. 

I freaked out because we had been having a lot of relationship problems since the day we got married and over the course of the pregnancy with my daughter. I ended up quitting the job because with this pregnancy I was nauseous and throwing up the entire pregnancy. 

Mind games

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Curious what this looks like to others. How would you analyze this? 

This is a conversation from 13 years of marriage, 20 year relationship. 

I knew things were wrong but I wasn’t able to realize there was narcissism involved until more than a year after this conversation happened. (Notice the last two messages of the conversation and the time stamps.)

Side note- these conversations don’t happen anymore for obvious reasons. I am doing my best to be the grey rock since learning what narcissism is.