The wedding

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Part of the reason we got married so soon after our engagement was pregnant. You know the whole thing about being married before we actually had a baby, still being just the two of us on our honeymoon, and not having to delay it more years until it was easier to have a wedding with the baby. 

He wasn’t really involved in planning the wedding which really is a very surprising, a lot of men aren’t. My friends wanted to throw me a bachelorette party but it was kind of odd seeing how I was pregnant. I had more than one conversation with him to see how he felt about it because he’s always been pretty jealous. He promised me that it wouldn’t be a problem. We ended up going to San Diego and barhopping which I didn’t really partake in because again I was pregnant. The idea got brought up about a male strip club but it just felt odd to me especially because at that point his friends had no intention that I knew of a throwing him a bachelor party and it was only about two weeks until the wedding. 

I was fine with him having a bachelor party, in fact him doing so would make me feel better about having my own bachelorette party. There is only one thing that I requested and that was if they did decide to do it to not do it the night before the wedding. 

Well guess what. After the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding his friends decide they want to take him for a bachelor party… the night before the wedding. no shocker he didn’t stumble into bed until early morning hours. He was hung over late for pictures to the point where we had to do most of them after the actual wedding. He was supposed to do all the ones without me prior to the wedding. So we were pretty late getting to the reception. 

When it was time for toast at the reception my oldest brother made a toast. At the end of it he said take care of my little sister because if not we have the Air Force the army and the Navy in our family. His uncle stood up right after that and said don’t worry about that we have the CIA and our family. So, to me, that sounds like, “Don’t worry how you treat her we’ve got you covered.” And boy his whole family had a great laugh at that. That should’ve been a huge red flag to me; it angered me and cut me off guard but I had no idea what narcissism was at that time. 

When I was still eating I noticed that he had been away from our table for a while. I looked around and figured out that he was greeting everybody in the room without me. He didn’t even say anything to me or invite me to greet people with him; it was like I didn’t even exist anymore to him. 

Now mind you, I was about five months pregnant at the wedding and I had to use the restroom quite often. Every single fun traditional song or dance such as the chicken dance, the hokey pokey, YMCA (all that dorkey stuff) happened when I wasn’t even in the room. But he was.  I’m still a little butt hurt that no one noticed or cared to wait until the bride was there. 

I guess I have a hard time letting go of grudges. This was 15 years ago. I think what makes it hard to let go of it is that no one else saw anything wrong with any of it. 

Never gonna happen

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  I met my husband over the phone when I was 14; he was 16. We had a mutual friend and one day she called him and let me talk to him on the phone for a minute.  A couple weeks later he had gotten my phone number from her and gave me a call. I was so flattered and I really liked him. 
  We talked on the phone for at least two weeks before we even met. We would talk for hours at a time about I don’t even know what. When we met in person it was love at first sight. We were inseparable. We started dating and didn’t even get into an argument for over six months. I remember him specifically pointing that out. 

  We spent every minute that we could together. He would pick me up from school and I’d go hang out at his house for as long as I could. Occasionally, he would come to my house. If we were with friends, it was his friends. Next to never, have we ever hung out together with my friends. We got into a lot of trouble together; we never got caught but you know what I mean. Sneaking out, drinking alcohol, cigarettes, experimenting with drugs, sex… that kind of trouble. 

  I got a job when I was 15 1/2 and as soon as I turned 18 we got an apartment together. We already knew what it was like to live together because once I had a car and a job I almost lived at his house. I had up a lot of my personal stuff there. I’d leave work and go to his house until curfew. I’d stay the night occasionally.

 When I was about 20, I thought chances were that we were never going to get married. He really had no interest in getting married; he liked things the way they were. I don’t know if it was because it gave him the opportunity to leave at anytime or if it was because his mom never really had a successful marriage or what the exact reason was but I just didn’t see it happening. We broke up briefly but we’re back together within a month. 

  Before we moved in together his mom moved out of state and he was left with the option of buying her house or moving into an apartment. He wasn’t ready to buy her house so he was going to move into an apartment. 

  He told me he wanted us to rent the apartment together. When we moved into the apartment his sister lived with us. Things were good.  We have freedom, we had jobs, we had fun. Looking back now, there were some things that were red flags (each one could be it’s own blog post) but I chalked it up to being young and still learning how to have a good relationship. 

  After dating for over six years and living together like a married couple, in my eyes, marriage was the next step. I didn’t understand how he could not want to because to me there was no reason not to. But, I loved him and I enjoyed the freedom that I had living on my own, couldn’t afford to live by myself and was not going to live with my parents again so I stayed. 

  When I was 22, over two years after moving in with each other, after almost nine years of dating he gave me a ring. 

What is this?!

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It’s my typical Mother’s Day. 

So, I did sleep in a little. I woke up around 9:30, made myself some coffee and took a shower.  I had made plans to go to my mom’s house with the kids for a barbecue, to spend some time with my mom and show her she was appreciated. Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do on Mother’s Day?

 When we were getting close to leaving I asked if he was going to come with us. He said, “No”.  We had a nice day with my mom and enjoyed some good food. We came home around 6:30.  He wasn’t there but he came home a little later. All of us just  kind of lounged around the house for a couple hours. Just preparing for Monday school and work.  

He went to bed around 10 PM. I changed into PJs, plugged in my phone to charge next to me on the chair and sat down to watch some Netflix.  I just wanted to relax and get that tired feeling so I could go to sleep as soon as I went to bed. I started drifting to sleep. Around 11:30 PM my dog that was on the couch across from me growled.  I looked up at him and he was looking behind me! I quietly said, “Hey, what are you doing?” to my dog.  I turned to look and he was standing behind me with daggers coming out of his eyes!  It really caught me off guard and all I could say was, “He was growling.”  The Narc’s face completely changed and he chuckled.  He repeated my words back to me and he went back to bed.

 I drifted off to sleep again and I woke to the sound of the floor creaking behind me.  I noticed he was walking down the hallway to go back to bed again.  Around midnight (this is my typical bedtime), I turned everything off to go to bed.  I couldn’t find my phone. I looked in and around the chair everywhere. It wasn’t anywhere on the chair where I had plugged it in.  I went and found my daughters cell so that I could call my phone.  I found it sitting on the banister,  unplugged from the charger, right behind where I had been sitting; right around where the floor would have been creeking.  It was so confusing! I knew I had been falling asleep but I was 100% certain that it had been plugged in next to me.  On my way to the bedroom I stopped and asked my daughter if she had used my phone.  She said, “No.”  I couldn’t quite figure out what was going on.  Maybe he thought I was up to something??  I had that weird anxiety feeling in my gut. My dog had been growling.  Floorboards had been creaking. He’d been walking around behind me and going to bed again and again. It felt like I was imagining things! 

I decided that I didn’t want to start anything at midnight. (Grey rock, right??) When I went to the bedroom to lay down he was still awake in bed and reading on his phone.  I set my alarm and went to sleep.

Unsurprisingly, he didn’t even acknowledge it was Mother’s Day.  No smile. No happy Mother’s Day. No hug.  No attempt to spend any time with me and the kids.  Typical of every holiday I suppose. 

My questions to whomever is reading this is this~ Would you have asked him what he had been doing or just let it lie? 

What do you think was happening with this type of behavior?