Status post – Father’s Day

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 So, I ended up just letting the kids decide what to get their dad for Father’s Day. After all, they are old enough to put some thought into it and he is their dad, not mine. I offered some suggestions but they had a hard time finding anything he’d like or want and anything they did find was a few hundred dollars. All 3 of us had completely different ideas from our experiences with the him of what he wanted or would like. We spent more than 4 hours shopping for gifts. 

The day before Fathers Day, we went to my parents house to spend time with my dad. We swam and BBQd and I gave a card and some new tennis shoes to my dad (which he appreciated and thanked us for). I invited my Narc husband to go with us but he declined. ~This really bothers me because he hasn’t had very many male “father figures” in his life and my dad has always treated him like a son. That is a whole other blog post, though.~ 

On FD, our kids gave him cards and gifts in the morning. His initial response to the gift my son chose was, “You guys will use this more than I will.” His response to the gift my daughter chose wasnt much. But you could tell from his bland, blank expression that he wasn’t impressed with anything she chose except the candy. After he opened them he mumbled a weak, “thank you” to them. It really broke my heart because we spent a lot of time going to different stores, spent a decent amount of money and put A LOT of thought into good gifts for him. 

I went to the grocery store and bought steaks among other thing to BBQ for dinner that night. After dinner and having a beer, I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie. Meaning on Netflix or On Demand. ~Totally breaking grey rock. I’m not sure why I did except that I wanted to watch a movie anyway and he was sitting in the other room by himself, pouting i.m.o.~ He said he wanted to go to the theater and so we did. 

The next day, he sent me a text message thanking me for a nice day. He also told me that he paid off the rest of his phone bill. Was that supposed to be a reward for doing right by him on FD? Because I didn’t do anything different than I’ve done every other FD. 

Funny how when a Narc starts trying something different to get a reaction or to see if you’ll match them, THAT IS WHEN they notice what you do for them. 

Avoidance 

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So, it’s been over a week since I sent the text asking my narc about money not being deposited.  I actually texted him again a couple days later asking if he was ignoring me which of course had no response. I don’t really want to bring it up in conversation. I want the response in writing because I feel like I can foresee words being twisted or some sort of gaslighting coming from it.
I have to say that last weekend I went outside to do some needed yardwork in the backyard. After being out there for about half an hour my narc came outside. Apparently he rented a tractor and was going to do some work with it moving dirt and filling in some holes. 

I’m always up for improving our yard. We are renting and I feel like it gets put off a lot so I was all for working together improving the yard. Separately but at the same time. After being out there for a few hours I ended up helping him with some of the dirt work (literally). That gave way to a small amount of verbal communication but really only anything that had to do with the task at hand.

At that point, I still hadn’t heard anything from him regarding the money being deposited and no sign of the money in the bank account. So, Monday afternoon I sent another text that read, “Still wondering why you haven’t been depositing the money for the IRS and your phone into the account.” It is now Wednesday afternoon and I still have not received a response. 

It’s obvious that he is ignoring the text because prior to my inquiry we would communicate via text probably more often than verbally. But since my inquiry, he has had zero text communication with me. 

Chris Cornell

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Chris Cornell has always been my favorite artist. 💕I remember the first time I heard one of his songs. I think that I was in seventh grade. I was at my friends house. I liked going to her house because her mom just left us alone. She was a cool mom I guess from the view of a seventh-grader.  I’m pretty sure she smoked and drank and who knows what else. I think that’s when I first tried smoking cigarettes. We would go through the ashtrays and smoke whatever was left of cigarette butts. 🤢 It sounds so disgusting now but at the time it was cool. 

Anyway, one day my friend Jackie put in a cassette tape and it was Temple of the Dog,  Hunger Strike. I had never heard of this band or the song before and I asked, “Who is this?!” He’s done so many different things and then when Soundgarden came out I was in love! I was pretty disappointed when they broke up but all was good in the world when Audioslave came out with music. Euphoria Morning was just amazing.  ❤️ Pure Chris Cornell- that’s it. I even had a dream about meeting him but I’ll save you the details. 😂 

A couple years ago when my friend asked if I wanted to go see his concert, it didn’t even take a second thought.  No matter what it took I was going to be there. Usually I’ll drink some alcohol at a concert but not this one. I wanted to remember every single second. I can still remember sitting on the grass and just being in total awe.

When I heard that he had died I swear my heart stopped for a second. Then only hours later to find out that it was death by hanging my heart truly sank. My younger brother, the person closer to me than any other person in this world, hung himself in 2007. If you’ve ever dealt with suicide or any tragic death you know how it grips you when you hear of someone else passing in the same way. When my brother died I was paralyzed in sadness and depression for months on end. It took every ounce of strength I had to pull myself out of that depression.

So if you didn’t guess where this was going- what would you think would be the very best way for a narcissist to hurt me?

Two days after his passing my narc walks in and says very unemotionally, “Hey, did you hear that Chris Cornell hung himself?” 

I kind of knew it was coming but it still shocked me that he would be so callous and uncaring toward my emotions. Many different responses ran through my head. I’m trying so hard to do the gray rock method. To show him how much it really saddens me would just fuel him. To give any response that would allow him to respond would just give him room to talk shit about anyone who would commit suicide. It would just give him an opening to see what kind of hurtful words he could say to me. All I could think to say was, “Oh, that’s old news.” It was the only thing I could think to say that would not invoke further conversation. 

Chris Cornell’s death is so sad to me. Every song takes me back in time.  It’s heartbreaking to know the loss that his family is suffering. I will be listening to his songs for the rest of my life. 

Rest In Peace Chris Cornell.